So it is that we have certain self-defence mechanisms built in to protect us from situations that would tend to cripple our already limited decision-making process. The fear of chintz is a natural, instinctive male response.

Find out how Mart’s man-instincts – his manstincts - helped save him when things got beyond his control in this week’s dazed and confused strip, right here.

Facebook readers click here for the video.

It’s when developers attach a goddam peripheral to the game and sell it for £bazillion. A peripheral that is absolutely no use whatsoever with any other game (or, in fact, it is fair to say, the fucking game it shipped with). And what makes Tony Hawk Ride even worse?

It’s a franchise that has been going down the toilet for years, and it seems everyone except Activision and Tony Hawk can see this. The saddest thing about this game is not that people forked out a fortune for a pile of crap, but Hawk’s response to the overwhelming slamming of the game: he declared that everyone decided to hate it before they had even played it.

No, dear. It’s just a shit game.

Catch this week’s blisteringly critical strip right here, but only if you have your licenced dogsounds strip-viewing glasses with patented seeing-o-vision installed.   

Well, I had this one half-done so I thought it would make a nice holiday treat for you all. If you don’t get the joke, then it’s clear you know nothing about videogame history and clearly are not awesome. Which you should sort out.

I’m going to put a little strip up on New Years’ day too, and then back to normal the weekend after. See you on the other side!

Catch this week’s second and totally not catastrophic strip right here 

New! Britains Ugliest Dumb Child! Phone in and vote for your favorite!

Every time you turn the damn thing on it is some pointless, no-brain-required phone-in votey type bullshit that has absolutely no value whatsoever, and is annoyingly followed by 80% of the brain-dead population who probably couldn’t even spell “anathema”.

However, what I do like to do is watch those programmes that I enjoy on BBC’s iPlayer. I refuse to use the other players from the other channels. ITV’s is a pile of utter wank that seems to only have soaps and celebrity phone-in nonsense (Britan’s Hardest Street Gangs vs. Chopper Coppers Buying Houses To Do Up, On Ice!! Phone in and vote for your favorite!) and pretty much  nothing that may have been on in the last few days (kind of missing the point of a ‘catch-up’ service there, ITV). Channel 4′s 4OD service does have a few good programmes but the service and player itself is so janky and broken that I refuse to use it (oh dear, lost your stream half way through after waiting five minutes for the damn player to load up on your third attempt watching Time Team? Tough shit, sit through all the damn adverts at the start again, please. And wait whilst the player spools for a minute after you drag the slidey thing across).

So I depend on the iPlayer. It is awesome. Missed your favorite show? Then it is probably on the iPlayer straight after broadcast for 7 days. Slow connection mean you can’t stream for shit? No worries, just download it and watch it within 7 days. Fast connection? Great, enjoy the HD versions of most programmes. Connection dropped half way through? No problem, refresh the page when you are back on and it will carry on where you left off. Oh, and there are NO ADVERTS because your license paid for this stuff. Enjoy!

But you know what would be even better? Watching this stuff on my big-ass shiny LCD, with surround sound. Not my pokey litte PC screen with two dodgy speakers. And I just happen to have a games console connected to it. And games consoles are becoming the new media hubs. And you know what else? Seems good old Auntie Beeb agrees, as they provide the iPlayer to Playstation 3 owners who have the consoles connnected to their big-ass TVs. Great.

Except, yeah, it’s an Xbox 360 that I have hooked up. But now the 360 is no longer just a console, with facebook, Twitter, streaming instant-on movies, Sky TV and Last FM, we’ll be getting the iPlayer soon as well then, yeah?

Um…no. Although the BBC is mandated by its Royal Charter to provide its service by any and all current means possible, which it does, and really, really wants to let console owners access the content, they have basically told Microsoft to go fuck themselves. Maybe not exactly said that. But it was intoned.

The problem is that Microsoft want to leverage as much content on their service as they can to paid Gold Live subscribers. That’s fine, it’s their service, and the Gold subscribers pay to keep it going. No worries there. I happily pay for my Live. However, whilst this is fine, Microsoft can’t understand why the BBC are refusing to allow the iPlayer on Live.

It’s really simple, Microsoft: the BBC are not allowed to charge for streaming or broadcast of  their programming outside the Licence Fee that we all pay. It is a non-profit organisation. So there is no way in hell the BBC are going to let iPlayer be exclusive to Gold Live subscribers. This would, effectively be charging people for something that they have already paid for – with their licence fee. The only way around this would be if Microsoft purchased the broadcast rights – the BBC can charge distributors. This is how channels like Dave can broadcast on a paid service like Sky or Cable, and broadcast BBC programmes – they have bought them first.

Somehow, I don’t see Microsoft doing that any time soon. Apparently so far they are refusing to back down.

MS:   ”We want to make iPlayer exclusive to our Gold members”
BBC: “What, so people have to pay to get what they have already paid for, and can get free on the internet because they have already paid for it by default?”
MS:   “Oh yes.”
BBC:  ”Er…I don’t think so. We’re a public service.”
MS:   “But Sky do it!”
BBC: “Then Sky subscrbers are idiots if they don’t realise they are paying twice. Good day to you sir.”

So don’t hold your breath. Irony is, if Microsoft offered it to Gold and Silver subscribers BBC would be happy, and Xbox Live would be in a win-win because demand would be increased - especially for those who don’t  want to pay twice for Sky. And, who knows, getting a lot more Silver subscribers can’t be a bad thing – the other features on there may encourage them to go Gold.

Bah.

So, with the current slew of Xbox Live users finding that their consoles are banned into oblivion from Xbox Live because they are modded and for playing pirated games (which requires modding of your console) over the last few weeks, I have found a new venue that provides vast amusement at the expense of the incredulously stupid.

If you find yourself in need of a good mixed dose of chuckles and schadenfreude, you could do no better than head to the xbox.com suspensions forum. This is the only place that you can try to get answers when you find your console has been banned from Live, or your account suspended, for any infraction of the ToS, CoC and EULA.  And it can get fucking hilarious.

Although lately the official responses from Stepto, Bootblack et al have become merely stock, form posts (probably due to workload) some of the older threads are fantastic. Nothing beats the posts where a righteous soccer-mom posts up to express her disgust that her 10-year old little angel of light (who is a good boy, attends Sunday School, and blushes when people say rude words) has been suspended totally without justification – only to be told with no hint of delicacy or subtlety that their “little angel” had the motto ”YO YO I K1LL B1AACHES F**CK YOU!! SCR3W B111ATCHES IN THE 4SS!!!” in his profile. Strangely, the previously up-in-arms parent never replies, but the sound of a headslap can be heard for miles.

And then you get some classics:

Why man get init, man didnt mod his console I got it from boi still blad. Man wanted to buy modern warefare 2 but now blad need to save up to get a new console init.
Whagwarn doe wid dis when am I unbanned init.

Holla back
safe blud
[gamertag redacted]

I give up.

I have long hated the move towards darker and darker games – kinda sucks when you have a hi-def console and a big huge shinyshiny hi-def TV and play a game that takes place in dark, not-much-visible settings. Bit like putting a Fiat 125 engine in a Ferrari, no?

So it is nice that the VISR mode in ODST for once makes darkness cool. Well played, that man. There’s a reason dogsounds hearts Bungie.

Catch this week’s black-as-the-heart-of-an-evil-kitten-huffer strip right here.

I’m pretty sure the real motiovation behind these trailers is Microsoft saying “look, see how utterly fucking awesome a Halo movie would be? Huh? Huh?”

And you know what? I utterly agree. If this is what a mere ad agency can pull off – this and the Believe campaign being even slightly better than the Neil Blomkamp/Peter Jackson shorts – then imagine what a movie studio could do.

Anyway, watch and be awed. That’s a lot of story, action and emotion in just one and a half minutes.

Facebook readers – as ever, click here for the video.

Posted in cool stuff, halo, movies, sci-fi, TV, video games, war Tagged: advertising, bungie, halo, Halo 3 ODST, live-action, microsoft, ODST, video games, videogames, We Are ODST, Xbox 360 ]]> http://blog.dogsounds.com/2009/09/06/we-are-odst/feed/ 1 dogsounds http://blog.dogsounds.com/2009/09/06/new-avoid-spikes-comic-now-online-34/ http://blog.dogsounds.com/2009/09/06/new-avoid-spikes-comic-now-online-34/#comments Sun, 06 Sep 2009 12:50:19 +0000 dogsounds http://dogsounds.wordpress.com/?p=1728 ]]>

Foxx: Yes, yes, I know, Mass Effect came out in 2007. I only started playing it recently after Fallout 3 got me into the more RPG type of game. Bite me.

Anyway, although I am thoroughly enjoying the game, I have to call out BioWare for giving me a hairy-scary complicated inventory and gameplay system with pretty much NO TUTORIAL OR EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER. Fuckers.

“Here’s our game, it’s really quite complex, GO!”

Catch this week’s frustratingly frustrating strip right here. Full instructions are provided.