Retard Of The Week: crazy batshit insane tin-foilers

tinfoil hatSo, I often find myself wandering through conpiracy theory websites, captivated by the forums and posts to be found.

I can spend hours trawling through without even realising it. But what keeps me hooked? There are, of course, good, solid and well-researched dialogs on these sites, well-thought out, well-written and filled with keen logic. But then there are also the insane ramblings of people who will believe, to coin a phrase, “any old shit their feeble mind can conjour up”.  Example after the jump.

Many of these more comical (by “comical” I, of course, mean “pathetic”) themes are recurrent: the Galactic Federation Of Light (the prophet of this nonsense shot herself in the foot by predicting when we would see thousands of alien ships over our cities. Despite the fact the date came and went with no action, many idiots still believe in this rubbish), The Mayan Calendar (despite the fact that evidence that the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 (meaning  the end of civilisation) has been shown to be utter nonsense as it was based of a badly-translated Mayan inscription, many people still believe this) and more.

But one of the most annoying is the whole myth of Planet X, also called Nibiru. If we are to believe the doomsayers out there, this is a mysterious planet that only passes the Earth every now and then, and contains a race of aliens that are in some posts out to destroy us, and in others out to save us. Apparently, despite the fact Nibiru roams around the Solar System, it also hides behind the Sun (which is why we can’t see it).  Apparently, it’s scheduled passing by Earth (in, you guessed it, 2012) will cause the poles to shift and the oceans to rise, yada yada yada.  Google it for more detail – it is the finest example of buffoonery you will come across. Despite every single person on the face of the planet Earth who has the slightest bit of knowledge of astronomy saying “look, this is basically complete and utter bollocks”, many still believe. And this post, from a popular conspiracy website (which actually has a high percentage of intelligent and thoughtful discussions going on about other subjects) is a classic example of wearing a tinfoil hat so tight it cuts off the blood to the brain:

Prepare To Save Yourselves OR Prepare To DIE

********TURN OFF EVERYTHING AND LISTEN FOR YOURSELF*********

The Anunnaki who inhabit Nibiru are able to create, destroy, and manipulate whole solar systems – able to switch between multiple dimensions. The movement of the PlanetX group is intelligently controlled and appears to stay behind the Sun to avoid the attention of the masses until late in the going. Got it?? COINTEL AGENTS claim that PlanetX is a hoax but THEY ARE LIEING since they falsely claim it would have to be prominent in the sky by now.

The evidence for PlanetX is growing more abundant every day. For about three weeks, I’ve been able to hear the unsettling noises of its approach in the south skies. Saturday night the sounds were briefly so intense and my wife and I had to turn our music up pretty loud to block it out. I can hear it as I type this message… similar to a distant howling wind. Reports of these noises, though plentiful, WILL NOT show up on google search results. NASA is also tampering with all imaging systems that would otherwise show absolute proof. The internet is under close scrutiny make no mistake about it.

You can either prepare to save yourselves or prepare to die. 

Classic. Because, of course, you can hear the sound of a planet OUT IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE from Earth. This must be why we can hear the Sun… 

Guess it is just totally impossible that this sound, like the howling wind, could, y’know, be the howling wind? He later decribes it as sometimes like “a cosmic jet” or a vacuum cleaner, to which one responder suggested maybe the writer had heard maybe a jet and a vacuum cleaner.

Important to note, of course, that the poster does not include any of this growing evidence.

So this is the kind of thing I love to get caught up in. It both amuses and frustrates me, and what keeps me hooked is the responses to threads like these. I pity the folks that lap it up, and I give a thumbs up to those who take the piss out of them.

I often wonder how these people maintain a normal, functioning everyday life. If I knew for a fact that this was going to happen, would I be sat on the internet posting on some forum? Or would I be heading to the hills to find a cave and lay low till it all passed? Would I calmly go to work each day and say nothing?  Surely, if these people are so convinced of this nonsense they shoul by now be jobless pariahs, shunned by cow-orkers and friends alike for being gibbering idiots? Certainly, if someone I employed babbled on about this all day (which, you think you would, if you believed it) I would consider not only his continued employment, but his mental health.

Anyway, check out the full forum thread here. Have a browse around the site, there is actually some some good serious stuff to be read, if you can get past all the insane tin-foil nonsense like this.

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2 Comments

  1. DysfunctionalParrot
    Posted February 24, 2009 at 10:03 pm | Permalink | Reply

    Dudes getting HBO straight to the cerebral cortex. Who’s laughing now?

  2. Posted February 24, 2009 at 11:31 pm | Permalink | Reply

    lol! Would that were true – probably more likely he is getting Fox News, and evloving into a self-fulfilling prohecy 🙂

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